While the videos preceding this set the precedent for the joke, I believe that our escalation of the joke sent the internet comedy community over the tipping point. We’ve since been parodied by CollegeHumor and the Chive and have been featured on CBS News, the Atlantic Wire, and the Huffington Post.

This was a really interesting experiment, especially since we’re now being credited with the mainstreamification of trap music.

I watched Aliens for the first time since I was a kid and one line really stuck out to me. Cut to me up at two in the morning after three beers looking up documentation on how to get Premiere Pro to accept DivX files.

And hey, let’s be honest. Aliens is a little ridiculous for a few reasons:

1. If there’s one thing that survives into the future, it’s racist Mexican stereotypes from the 1980s.
2. The entire movie takes place inside of a Laser Tag arena.
3. Why are synthetics made of milk?

P.S. the answer is that you’re supposed to install a free DivX codec but that didn’t work so I ended up Handbraking the file into h.264 format.

Anyway, I’m proud of what I helped to achieve.

I graduated with a bachelor of arts in Film and Television Production and studied screeenwriting independently since then, having worked for about two years in the film industry in and around story development. I currently work at Maker Studios as a Channel Development Coordinator. All of this put together means that story structure and new media are things that keep me up at night. I’m here today to examine the evolving landscape of narrative structure within short-form internet media, or, why it’s so hard for a webseries to become a hit.

Something I hear a lot from older people is that they’re worried that we’ve all grown shorter attention spans since the popularization of the internet. I personally believe that this is an extremely untrue statement, stemming from a misunderstanding of the medium. Try lying down on your couch and watching TV for a bit. Chances are that you’ll end up seeing some really bad or boring television, but will continue watching it despite its poor quality. This is because it takes less energy to continue watching television than it does to change the channel.

Now, try watching any Youtube video. Notice how as soon as you get bored of it, you’re presented with several choices: a playlist at the bottom of the screen, a row of tabs you have open at the top of your browser, and a group of related videos along the side that have been curated by a complex algorithm to be more interesting than the video you’re currently watching. It now takes less energy to shift your attention away from the video in a variety of different ways than it does to continue watching it.

Film, television, and short-form internet media are all fundamentally different from one another and are ingested by an audience in vastly different ways. Currently, most webseries’ are structured and shot either like a television series or movie, and because of this they are rendered unwatchable on a platform such as Youtube. You wouldn’t necessarily slice Citizen Kane into 22-minute chunks or hope that four episodes of Friends grouped together would create a compelling movie, so it doesn’t make sense to create a webseries based on either the film or television models. Because of internet media’s relative infancy , the current goal should be to examine the restrictions and opportunities presented by a platform such as Youtube and see how best to structure a story for it.

Video Game High School by RocketJump is an amazing example of one way to correctly create a webseries, and my intent is to dissect it and determine exactly what it did right to become the commercial success that it now is.

If you haven’t already, watch the pilot episode of Video Game High School. I’ll be using it as an example throughout the rest of this essay. It’s 10 minutes long, which is ages in Youtube-speak. However after six months, the first episode has topped six million views and 95,000 likes, being shared across a multitude of websites and social media platforms.

So, how did Video Game High School keep us engaged and entertained for 10 minutes? There are several reasons, however for the purpose of brevity I’ll break the answer down into the two sections which I believe are most important: Dramatic and Cinematographic/Mise-en-Scène.

Dramatic:

First, I’ll recommend a book. If you get the chance, read Backwards and Forwards: A Technical Manual for Reading Plays by David Ball. At about 70 pages, it takes probably an hour to finish. It’s specifically meant for playwriting, however the ideas brought up in the book are useful to any storytelling medium. It’s one of the best books I’ve ever read about about the craft.

To summarize an already short book, Backwards and Forwards posits that, to prevent somebody from getting bored of your story, each scene must lead into the next with a dramatic question: something in the audience’s head that keeps them wondering what will happen next. When your audience is invested in the outcome of your story, they will continue watching. This is called “dramatic tension”. Where the name Backwards and Forwards comes from is that you should be able to read your story on a scene-by-scene basis, understanding why one scene leads into the next — both backwards and forwards — so that there are no extraneous scenes in which the audience could lose interest.

Film and television as mediums are much more forgiving in forwarding dramatic tension, meaning that at times a movie or show can get away with a boring scene or slow story progression because it takes a lot of energy to walk out of a movie theater or change the channel. On the internet, however, you’re forced to think about dramatic tension on a much more granular level. Instead of keeping the audience’s interest on a scene-by-scene basis, you’re forced to keep their attention moment-by-moment.

The creators of Video Game High School understood this, and they did a large amount of work to deliver a dramatically distilled story to us in the first episode. VGHS ep. 1 interweaves two storylines together (Brian D trying to get to his clan match and Law’s interview), having them both combine at the climax of the story. The story is broken down like so:

In the case of Brian D’s storyline, the writers were smart enough to create a problem and an end goal for the lead character that was communicated to the viewer within the first minute of the story: he’s late for his clan match and he has to get home as soon as possible to help his teammates. Having an end goal such as this looming on the horizon of a story is one of the simplest ways to entice an audience to continue watching, because the question on all of our minds is “will he make it”? The writers then placed obstacles in Brian D’s way to create further tension and raise the stakes until the episode’s climax.

In terms of pacing, dramatic tension traditionally alternates between high energy scenes and low energy scenes, creating a sort of continuous rise and fall to a story. An action scene or a moment of tense drama will be followed by a much calmer dialogue scene or an expository scene or a scene that develops character. This is done to create a contrast, making tense sequences more significant by placing them alongside slower scenes. Video Game High School does this as well, however due to the constrictions of the medium it must find a way to disguise slower scenes. As you can see in the diagram, the A storyline and B storyline will switch between each other, almost always at dramatic moments. This creates small cliffhangers which help maintain the audience’s attention throughout the story while still allowing for time to deliver expository information or character development.

Cinematographic/Mise-en-Scène:

The directors of Video Game High School have gone on record in their behind-the-scenes videos saying that they intentionally shoot all of their scenes like an action movie. This is especially significant in that they are using camera movements and actor direction to create consistent motion within the webseries pilot. There are rarely any static shots, or shots where there isn’t any motion on screen. The first reveal of Brian D features him bicycling down a street at full speed with the camera tracking along with him. Any scene that should exist as Brian playing a videogame is translated into a full-tilt action sequence featuring gunfire and explosions.

Below are some examples of movement within scenes:

The idea behind this, presumably and much like all of the work done to create a tight storyline, is to prevent the audience from becoming bored. Placing forward motion within a scene is another easy way to stop someone’s eyes from wandering away from the video and onto another tab. Utilizing this, Rocket Jump afforded themselves more time to convey expository information without the fear of losing audience retention.

Failures:

Despite Video Game High School’s definitive successes, there are a few things that this webseries did wrong that must be mentioned. First, the intro to Video Game High School is 30 seconds long. This is arrogance. RocketJump knows how important the first couple seconds in a video are to retaining viewership and ignored that for a flashy logo.

Second, and what could be argued as most important, is that the first episode just kind of… ended. There was no cliffhanger or teaser for the upcoming episodes, meaning that there was no real reason to continue the story. One could conceivably watch only the pilot episode of Video Game High School and have no driving need to watch the rest.  This could hypothetically contribute to the fact that part two of VGHS only has a little over half the viewcount of part one.

Conclusion:

With that said, Video Game High School still exists as a shining example of how best to tailor a story for a short-form medium such as Youtube. There are several other reasons why this webseries is such a sweeping success, many of which deserve their own lengthy essays (search engine optimization, high concept narrative, demographic interest, cross-platform business strategy, cross-promotional viewership drives). However the webseries’ utilization of dramatic and cinematic devices to maintain audience attention could possibly be the most important, as they can be reapplied to a new story on a channel with virtually zero fans and still achieve some quantifiable measure of success.

Interweaving storylines and visually stimulating imagery are two of many, many ways to engage an audience on a platform such as Youtube. Moving forward, the continuing goal should be to identify these devices and determine their best practice for short-form internet media.

Firstly, I and the rest of the gaming community would like to extend our immense gratitude to you for the countless hours of joy you have given to us throughout the years. You are no doubt an invaluable creator of some of the most iconic videogames in history, helming some of the amazing pieces of art I have ever had the fortune to play. I count the Metal Gear series among the most beautiful games I have ever played. However despite this, myself and a few others amongst this community have noticed something concerning; something that, if we do not address it soon, may have great repercussions in the future.

Mr. Kojima, we need you to start tweeting pictures of the food that you’re eating again.

You last tweeted on October 9th, and have since maintained a stoic silence on the platform. Even looking past the fact that we’re all worried that you haven’t given any status updates at all since then, It has been over a month since I was last able to track your movements around the world by what you were eating at the time. It has been over a month since I felt that I knew you.

Mr. Kojima, your vast library of tweeted images about food were not only interesting, they were enlightening. Without your guidance, I would not have known that American Cup Noodle tasted differently that Japanese Cup Noodles. Without your tweets I would not have known the price of spare ribs in your country.

So it is with great reverence that I humbly ask you, Mr. Kojima, to come back into the lives of us Twitter followers. You are without a doubt a treasure to the human race, both in the medium of videogames and the medium of camera photos of the food that you’re currently eating at the time. We appreciate your tweets more than you’ll ever know, and hope that someday you’ll again bring light into our lives.

Sincerely,

A Concerned Twitter Follower

#ComeBackHideo

So I was at Comic-Con a couple months ago and the original plan that my brother Tim and I had was to go to the convention cosplaying as two guys who didn’t get the difference between Star Trek and Star Wars. We borrowed two star trek uniforms and two Jedi robes and ran around the convention floor waving our lightsabers and misquoting the movies. My personal favorite moment was when we were taking a picture with two hot Sith lords and after putting our hands in “live long and prosper” formation and telling them to, “set lightsabers to ‘stun’”, they called us a bunch of ironic hipsters. Without missing a beat I asked her what season of Enterprise she was from.

But here’s the thing: This whole time, Tim and I had the idea in our head that this idea right here, the trolling of the two most rabid and well-established fanbases on earth, was only going to end in us getting chased out of town by a pitchfork/lightsaber/tricorder-wielding mob. As funny as it was, we were reasonably scared. But after running around the convention center for a while being our normal insufferable selves, we realized that both fanbases were much more tolerable than modern media would have us believe. I distinctly remember posing for a photo with a kilt-wearing imperial general and having him lean in and whisper into my ear, “it’s okay, we’re fans of the Trek”. So for whatever social misgivings you want to make fun of nerds about, the explicit reality is that they’re some of the friendliest and most accepting people you’ll ever meet.

Remember that last sentence, I’ll be coming back around to that in a moment.

The Comic-Con convention floor is structured as such: right as you walk into the middle of the floor, you have your big, well-known publishers: Your DC’s, your Marvels, Your IDWs and Images. However the further you stray from the center of the convention, the stranger things become. Comic booths will become webcomic booths will become steampunk apparel will become booths that sell those mousepads that have boobs on them.

I was on the very edge of the convention center, up against the wall, when I saw her. It was at the J-List booth, the company that sells weird Japanese fetish items (see: mousepads with boobs on them). She hung on the wall and was priced at the low cost of $15.

Now for those of you who don’t know what a Japanese body pillow is, I’ll refer you to the 30 Rock episode where Jenna Maroney must help conceal James Franco’s relationship with one. What most people might not know is that this is an actual phenomenon. Men in Japan have been known to develop deep, personal bonds with the visages of anime characters printed onto the fronts of body-length pillows. That’s not a punchline in any way.

So after a short discussion with my friends about the matter and a few remarks about what a deal $15 was for a Japanese body pillow of that caliber, I pulled the trigger and bought her. The joke was supposed to go like this: I walk around the con floor carrying a Japanese body pillow. Con-goers see it, understand my post-modern brand of comedy, and then give me a high five, telling me that that was their favorite episode of 30 Rock too.

The reality was much, much worse.

Remember what I was saying about how people at Comic-Con are the most friendly and accepting people you’ll ever meet? Because I’m coming back around to that right now.

Instead of calling out my joke, they just accepted me. They walked past me and didn’t bat an eyelash. They were just glad that I was being true to myself and showing my affection for my waifu out in public. I passed a group of people who were straight up watching hentai tentacle porn in a hotel lobby, and they just looked at me like, “yo dude I’m really happy for you and Michiko-chan”.

So I bought a Japanese body pillow and the joke was funny for about 15 minutes and now I was just a guy walking around with a Japanese body pillow and had to spend the rest of the weekend with her. It wasn’t so bad actually. We took her out with us and sat her in one the chairs at a restaurant and carried a conversation with her while the waiter took our orders. I even utilized her pillow qualities and slept on her on the hotel room floor throughout the next two nights.

When it came time to head back to Los Angeles, I accidentally left Michiko in the hotel room. It actually was out of forgetfulness, but there was definitely a large part of me that didn’t want to explain a body-pillow-sized female anime character to my roommate when I got back.

But after a day or two I realized this: Michiko, a non-living entity, had actually given me about as much attention as every girl I’ve ever talked to in the year or so that I’ve been single, which is a number close to zero. It hit me that if I couldn’t take care of an inanimate object that treated me to a weekend-long tryst of laughs, fun, and comfortable sleep, then I probably didn’t deserve to have an actual relationship with an actual girl.

So I called up my family who lives in the San Diego and had my dad drive down to the Holiday Inn where I was staying to pick up Michiko. This had the added bonus of placing my father in what could be the most awkward situation imaginable: having, at the age of 45, to describe the look of and concept behind a Japanese body pillow to the concierge, and then patiently waiting as they searched the lost and found for it. There was then a tearful reunion which I like to imagine took place in sepiatone at a train station but in reality was my ashamed father throwing me my body pillow from the window of his truck.

So I guess the takeaway from this whole story is that 1) nerds are a really nice and accepting group of people, 2) I’m kind of a jerk for trying to exploit that, and 3) you find love and fulfillment in weird places.

Also, most nights in casa de Vernon now resemble this:

1100 words, written in one hour and then polished thereafter. Please take me seriously.

From the people who brought you the last dumbest thing I’ve ever done comes this abomination.

Someone found out that Gangnam Style and the Space Jam theme song match up perfectly, so they mixed the two together. I gave the internet two weeks to create a music video for it, but nobody did. So here we stand.

Made in ~3 hours exclusively in Premiere Pro CS 5.5.

This is honestly the dumbest thing I’ve ever made.

Made in ~12 hours with Premiere, Photoshop, After Effects, and an uncomfortable amount of self-deprecating humor .

This was made for my friends over at Nacosta. Aside from the camera rental and whatever I spent on coffee throughout the editing process, this video cost $30 to make.

• Film School Pro Tip #1: If you don’t have much money to spend on extravagant sets, just point as many lights at the camera as you can.
• Film School Pro Tip #2: In your freshman year, you’re going to really want to put up a Pulp Fiction poster in your dorm room. Everyone gets this urge, let it pass.

Because I couldn’t think of a better representation of our philanthropy than Jay Z. And just so we’re clear on something: I can’t graphic design to save my life and I’ve never pretended otherwise. I don’t know why I keep embarrassing myself with things like this.